I know that

You have

Places to be
People to see
Parties to attend
Things to do
And
Errands to run

And i know that I’m no longer included in this never-ending list of yours.

Sometimes, when I miss you, I wonder if you do too.

After a semester

at SMU, I think it would be appropriate for a review of my time there.

I started with SICS camp, FTB camp and finally ended with Bondue camp. I made friends at all 3 camps and my only regret is that I missed out on Arts camp due to my Europe trip.

SICS camp cheated my feelings. I thought I would get to do prawning but apparently they canceled it this year and still left it in their camp description. The camp was really slack and I found my lepak friends. Too bad that all 3 of us belong to different facs so we don’t really get a lot of time together. If you’re lazy and non-athletic like me, SICS is the camp for you to join. 

Then FTB (Freshmen Team Building) which is SMU’s official camp for all freshmen and is compulsory. We had it in the most ulu part of Singapore. I can’t remember the name of the camp site but you definitely should avoid it at all costs. It’s the Scouts’ campsite apparently. The only lucky thing out of that entire camp is that I made friends with Tommy. I was in Run 4 which had the most international students in it. I missed the previous runs due to my Europe trip (again). I didn’t strike up any chemistry with most of my camp mates :/ I hated the camp site and the toilets stank. I almost retched on an empty stomach on the second morning. The games we played? I didn’t get the hang of most of them. Look, there are just things I can’t do. I’m good at planning, screaming and having fun but when it comes to having fun doing physical stuff like blowing ping pong balls from a pile of flour into another? I can’t fucking do it. And who are you to judge me for it? The group atmosphere didn’t make me wanna get all dirty and involved as well. If I were with 4i, I would be screaming, moaning but still doing it just because. But sorry FTB group, you just didn’t cut it.

I was honestly apprehensive for Bondue after FTB and I was 60% convinced that I wouldn’t make any more friends in SMU. That was a scary thought because I’m hanging out with all these people from my fac and I have to make friends with them! But luckily, they are all wonderful people. I was late due to Changning who arrived late >.> and I got a shock because nearly all of them were already acquainted. But!!! Andrew a.k.a Lulu self-introduced and in my heart, I was like ohgod, savior!!!! Bondue camp was all in all fucking dirty. But it was fun. There was more squealing, laughing and grabbing at each other. 

Truly, camps are experiences all too dependable on people you’re with.

Then school started and I’ll admit that I spent a week memorizing where the buildings were because I couldn’t really remember which building belonged to which fac. I’ll also admit that I never memorized the locations of my classroom and I referred to my screenshot of my timetable every time I had class. I did Biz law, stats, twc, mc and AS this sem. I made new friends in all classes. I sound so damn gay about making friends =.=

TWC, MC and AS were the most enjoyable because the former 2 came easily to me and AS was…just slack. I just wish that I did better for MC and by that I mean get an A. I met my first Indian friend in MC and she is super funny. We clicked right away. Our MC quartet stuck together throughout the semester against seniors, some of whom were uncooperative and unfriendly. But we had a good time. TWC was pretty slack and I had fun laughing in class with my friends. I also made my first Malay male friend excluding my Bondue facil. He has freaking pretty eyes. Chinese are truly not blessed by the pretty-eyes gene. WHY!?

Biz law was interesting but heavy. My law friends, I feel your pain even though it’s like 0.00000001 of it. It’s the mod which you differentiate the smart, the average, the smart alecks and the unfortunate. I border on the average and the unfortunate. But thankfully, my group mates bordered on the smart. 2 were clearly in that range though.

And omg, STATS. It was the absolute WORST. I’m lucky I passed even though it dragged my gpa to the fiery depths of hell. The prof was dry, boring and spoke in an alien language I couldn’t understand. Thank god I had my Bondue mates with me and I spent 50% of my time stoning, 30% just gabbing away with my Bondue mates and 20% eating. But I SCRAPED THROUGH OK. Goodbye stats, this time, it’s truly forever.

SMU hasn’t been what I expected and I realised that the emphasis on grades will never go away no matter where you are in Singapore. So just suck it and work on it. Praying to the Bell Curve God may actually help but you’ll have to confirm that with the NTU peeps.

Here’s to a better sem which will start on 7th Jan for the SMU kids!

We are of the same blood

Ye and I.

Family. The ties that don’t really bind.

Gatherings that become excuses to parade the prides of each family, be they wealth or children or grandchildren. All I want to do is to scream fuck off. I don’t care about my cousin in university and I don’t give a damn about how much some of them earn. We see each other at most twice a year. I think we can do better than flaunting and trying to dazzle one another to blindness.

I’m not here for all of that.

My uncle’s birthday was just a huge gathering of people whom I don’t really know and whom I don’t care and who won’t give a shit about me. They aren’t people whom I can turn to for help.

I’m starting to think it’s my problem for lacking that connection to my nieces/cousins some of whom are around my age. Maybe it’s because I don’t post frequently enough on facebook about my idols or my feelings or what I’m doing. Or maybe I just don’t really care for them. They are important but maybe I would never prioritize them.

I’m tired of feeling alienated whenever I talk to them and they always have this overlapping social circle. I’ll be thinking if Penang is really that fucking small.

I’ll just never be like them and I’m not going to try fitting in because I’ll detest myself for trying to assume this persona which I can’t keep up because it’s one that will be used at most twice a year.

 

I still conclude uselessly that One Day I’ll have to improve my ties with them because I’ll have no one else when my parents die. This is also why I hate myself.

I am wilting

Here trying to do stats.

Seriously. I am exasperated to the point of tears. Literally.

I fucking hate my prof and i fucking hate all things mathematical.

I am going to fail his paper tomorrow.

Fuck this shit

List of things

Which I’ll write about when I have time.
1) Japan trip.
Just a short one since I was only there for like 5 days. All too short a time.
2) Europe trip
I’ll have to get photos from my cousins so i can add in more pictures. But maybe I’ll put up the keychains I got for people and never got around to giving them out so you all (mainly chong) can choose from. Is this a xmas giveaway? Trololol
3) My first semester in SMU
The people I’ve met etc etc
4) A review of 2012(?)
Should i?

Dayum, this list doesn’t hit 5. List is better in odd numbers like 3s and 5s. But yeah, there’s only one month left to 2012. Wish it didn’t have to end so soon. Only 2 months to go till i say hello to my twenties…