A list of things I

worry about and how I feel occasionally expressed in GIFs of course.

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Because girls travelling together sounds exactly like a recipe for BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN.

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I mean yeah, if I get my kidneys stolen as Hua is ever cautioning about.

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(It’ll be Pinning instead of Paula.)

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More practically, what if I lose my money cause pickpockets left and right? Trust me on this, I’ve been a victim.

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Excited and horrified????

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Breathing. It helps, right?

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This is how I feel at all of the above.

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I’m not even that stressed. (Looking at you, Pris)

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The cooler side of me feels I’m ridiculous for all the above. I totally agree.

 

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It’s only a month.

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But my long-awaited trip is finally here!!!

 

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So bye guys and please keep me in your prayers~!

Sidenote: why didn’t anyone GIF the part when Rebecca says I scared in a really really small voice?! WATCH CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND IT HAS BEEN RENEWED.

An ambivalent sort of day

One that makes me go like this:

The moments that made me go:

1. Doing my Indian Rangoli art

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Note: The above is a still image and will not move.

It was really fun even though I look like I’ve Hulk’s hands after. I started this Art module not daring to expect too much since not many people took it for the sake of the major but as a way to clear elective etc etc but I got shuffled into a group that was wonderful and actually dedicated themselves to the projects. It’s even more surprising when the group consists of 3 seniors and 2 exchange students. They could totally not bother and put in minimal effort but they did whatever they could.

2. Doing well for my Comms essay quiz that I was so sure I would fail because my head was pounding during the whole time and all I wanted to do was to eat a Panadol and conk out.

Yes. CLAP FOR ME.

3. Completing my Arts essay

Self explanatory. But I still have to elaborate. I’m truly starting to think that all my essays have a small tiny piece of my soul because trying to write them is really…soul sucking. And also when I write my essays, the entire world just knows because I go around asking for ideas and opinions and final editing. You, my friends, deserve a tiny piece of my graduate certificate as well for all your contributions. This essay merits special attention because it feels like I’m going back to my lit roots and analysing a poem etc all over again and I get to write about issues I feel for. #iloveit

4. Being praised for my Chinese and my Chinese enunciation by an exchange student from Beijing.

Do you know the significance of being praised by someone who is obviously infinitely more proficient than you are in a language?????????????

But alas, a day cannot be perfect despite me being able to wake at 12pm.

There were also moments that made me feel like this:

and

1. Receiving a dinner invitation via text with 2 people I no longer want to be associated with

Seriously? Who do you think I am? Somebody you can just text and ask out on a motherfucking whim after ignoring me? Because i have to be OK when you are? Has it not occurred to you that when you’re OK, I’ve already moved the fuck on? Why the fuck do you think I can be won over by a fucking dinner? Why do you think you can just fucking waltz back into my life like nothing has happened and nothing was ever wrong?

You’re just crazy if you think my friendship is so cheap.

You’re wrong if you think I’ll be at your fucking beck and call.

Just because you have time doesn’t mean that I do and just because you have no friends doesn’t mean that I don’t.

So fuck you.

Stars & Stripes

This is a Captain America: The Winter Soldier Appreciation post.

It has come a month late because I was the first of my friends to watch it and then had to hold in all my freaking feels alone. I can now count the number of people whom I usually talk to who haven’t watched CA2 yet. I wanted to do this like a month ago but I couldn’t. (Liew, you can stop reading here.)

I wanted to do characters individually but I shall condense it into one post (for now) while listening to the soundtrack. The problem is really where do I start seeing as how this movie gave me so many feels?????

So we begin with a completely unnecessary character introduction and I do not care if you think revealing who the Winter Soldier is is actually a spoiler; it’s not.

We obviously have Steve Rogers & Captain America played by Chris Evans:

 

Bucky/Winter Soldier played by Sebastian Stan:

 

Black Widow Natasha Romanov by Scarlett Johansson:

 

Fury by Samuel L Jackson (who is not Laurence Fishburne):

Newcomer Falcon who is cool as fuck because he flies and Anthony Mackie’s self-written storyline is that he is secretly dating Black Widow. Get in the queue please.

 

The relationships between the characters are well fleshed out and we do get a sense of how they relate to each other. I don’t think I could take any more flashbacks with Bucky or scenes with Peggy because I already have so much feels. I’ll leave out the scenes with Peggy because they’re mildly spoilerish and heartbreaking.

Steve/Natasha: This is an interesting pair because they’re pretty much opposites. They have different work ethics and moral compasses. It’s a work wife/husband relationship I would say. They learn from each other and I think we can see Natasha reflecting on her own actions. I think one defining moment was when Black Widow questions if he would trust her to protect him when push came to shove.

Steve/Falcon: This scene characterises their relationship; Steve leads the friendship. We again see him being the inspirational character who draws Sam Wilson back onto the battleground. Both of them share a military background and it helps them connect. More importantly, Falcon is a veteran who works with traumatised veterans. It’s precisely what Steve needs to help adjust to the modern life without any past connections (or so he thought).

Steve/Bucky/Winter Soldier: This is so complicated. During war vs the 21st century.

You can totally fit the song in Frozen here. We used to be best buddies, but now we’re not. I wish you would tell me why~

This is coincidentally my favourite fight scene in the movie. Can you just focus on the freaking knife flip? I don’t even care that it might not be Sebstan. Him/stunt double James Young does it so freaking well and perfectly choreographed.

I re-watched The First Avenger and I noticed that Bucky was truly played with a lot of depth and nuances that actually helped transit to The Winter Soldier. For all our hearts, I shall not put the gif of Bucky in pain.

Some of my favourite scenes other than character interaction include:

It’s actually pretty close to the actual climax ok. If you don’t feel sorry for the poor Pikachus, YOU HAVE NO HEART.

The lift scene. I could watch it 10 times over and over again. 10 v 1 and Captain still won. But we all knew there wasn’t much of a fight. It just made me sad that his comrades turned on him.

All the scenes involving cars and pretty much the highways. Very realistic and exciting. Just look at the sparks flying.

I can’t wait for Avengers: Age of Ultron.

I need it. NOW.

Awkward Tuesday (part 1)

remains after 5 weeks in school.

I have never felt so much awkwardness in one class as I’ve in my entire existence and it’s miserable.

When I see my classmates, I do the below and even in my mind, there’s a flashing alert of the description of my face I probably just gave. It goes like this: tentative smile has just turned into a grimace and nothing has been accomplished.

And obviously that was even before I got into class because the school just had to assign my prof the room located at the end of a terribly long hallway.

But being part of SMU means being part of the class part culture. I have just realised how incredibly hard it is to get my thoughts flowing in the morning especially when I’ve no friend to act as a sounding board.

Basically, this.

I had no choice if you’re wondering why I even bid for a morning class was because there were only 2 classes offered and the better prof was teaching the morning slot. So I went for it.

All hopeful like and that obviously ended quickly.

Returning to my original point of class parting, I have been making a conscious effort into it. But it ends up like this:

And the class is like…

There’s such a person in our class???

Yeah, there is. I’ve been your classmate for 5 weeks.

Stay tuned for part 2 because despite it being a 3 hr lecture, class has felt impossibly long; even longer than Wednesdays which start at 8.15am and end at 8.30pm.

Sidenote @HY:hope you like this.

I’m thinking

of how to phrase my jumbled thoughts eloquently without the need for bullet points which will sort of help me to be concise. But my thoughts aren’t linear and one thought is derived from a tangent of another.

I’ve watched Frozen recently and I remembered that it’s important to continue believing in love whilst being independent and retain one’s individuality. It’s also not choosing which princess is better as a role model but recognise that role models are humans susceptible to make mistakes and in general have flaws. Elsa was afraid of her powers whilst Anna was naive. The essence lies in how they both overcome them and conquer them. I would like to think that Anna never lost her childlike wonder.

I’ve also went traipsing around the museums for biennale with Priscilla today. It’s extremely interesting and dare I say better than the previous one. The art is thought provoking and at the same time relatable. Some of the pieces are eerily beautiful and haunting especially certain installations. I think good art open windows of new perspectives and insight into different lives and simultaneously illuminating aspects of the people observing the art. What would your world be like if the world changed?

And again with certain stuff happening in my friends’ lives, I would just like to say…when I offer advice, the goal in mind is that the advice I give will eventually lead to you being happy/contented/in general positive feelings. I try to listen and I try to empathise even though I’ve the most non-happening life ever. If I find myself giving repeated advice to the same person, I’ll stop; I’m not a broken tape recorder. My advice is free, uncertified and biased and can thus be ignored. 

How I feel as

the semester nears the end.

As deadlines draw near and I start bailing water out of my Titanics taking form of my projects but also still trying to function like a normal human being. This is in addition to trying to make sure that all my friends are functioning in these Dark Times as well from breakups to quarter-life crises.

I wish I was superhuman.

Occasionally jerking awake because I fear that shit may have gone down while I was sleeping (in on weekends) and then blaming friends for mentioning my name in early conversations. Because I think having someone actively asking me to get up virtually even though my phone is switched off does not help in my sleep quality. It also contradicts the slight joy when I get texts; good to get them from friends. But if they’re from my project mates… I can only hope that shit has yet to hit the fans and we are all in time to save it.

Also, I’ve made it into PD, Sponsorships director and before you ask why I’m in the department again, it wasn’t my first choice but I guess experience from Vivace got me back where I was. I don’t mind but I’m just vaguely scared that my minimal leading abilities will desert me completely and I’ll slip up majorly. If I do, I’m going to quit school because the OSL would probably be hounding me in the remaining years.

…and I don’t want to see it happening again in any aspect of my life. It just can’t happen. I can’t afford it; not if I want to go on an exchange or function in school like a normal human being.

And after all my project meetings, really, can I afford some time away from all my fucking devices?

The answer is obviously

NO.

My only saving grace is always: Coffee. I feel so much saner when I drink it.

How do I get myself an endless lifetime supply of coffee?

Last Wednesday Night

Which was part of R-week but was actually hell week in disguise during which I spent most of my waking hours on one report or another. The sad sinking ship that is probably going to be my finance project. What the hell are we doing?????

But at least I had mid-week bright spots of beer at SQUE with Hua, Chong and Liew. The lupsup people unite…save for rachel who’s in the Land of Oz and actually thinking of staying there for December being bogged down by responsibilities. No. Just NO. Come home rachel leong and we’ll feed you with coffee beans. I need more sessions like this but I can’t help thinking that drinking so near the Singapore River is vaguely dangerous. You all will always be the people I share dirty thoughts with because nobody else appreciates humsup and lupsup more than you all. 

Also started my week right with Standing Sushi Bar with Eunice, Pris and Changning. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that 2 years have flown. It occasionally still feels like we’re still wearing our uniforms, struggling up the stairs, lost with respect to our future directions and all those long discussions about what we want.

But now, I’m just sitting in yet another lecture, waiting for Wednesday to pass. ):