Before I knew it

4 months have already passed.

And from my lack of posts, you should probably/can tell it hasn’t been an easy breezy time. But I do feel lucky that I’m employed, because the news keep telling me that the world is going to shit and the economy is falling apart.

I still get school-sick. It’s like my body is telling me that it’s time to head back to a 3 or 4 day work week with irregular hours. Sometimes, it’s really quite difficult to drag myself out of my bed/out of my house. I’m totally stretching my multi-tasking capabilities. I’m however very lucky to be with my 2 colleagues who are truly great people who have been patient with you even after all the times I’ve gotten them into trouble. Plus, the location of my office is great.

Let’s talk about happier stuff such as my recent Bintan trip, which was great fun and was entirely planned by Bao (partially why it was great cause it took no effort from me: I just had the one job of showing up and paying). I actually came back browner after the snorkelling session that I loved. But I also got myself some cuts like a dumb toot. I can only hope that they don’t leave any scars.

I can’t wait for my next off-in-lieu already.

Month-sary

Yes, I’ve been gainfully employed for a month despite me breaking a voice recorder in the first week of the job. (For the record, I’m paying for half the damages.)

So I’m still trying to adjust to a new environment, and I very much miss SMU and working with Jimmy. I’ve gone whining to him twice now: once before Commencement Appreciation dinner and once during Convocation Appreciation supper (which was like last Friday, so very recent). He totally laughed about the breakage and declared that he wouldn’t have made me pay. To which, I happily shot down because he made a student pay for her mistakes, and he was all,”Oh yeah, I did.” Then he proceeded to cackle evilly at my plight, which I appreciated not.  He has told me to just hang in there and give it my fucking all and that a month is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I agree, but I still wanted very much to be well, sayang-ed, by him. But then he also said to have more faith in myself or at least faith in what SMU (or him) has put me through. So some saving grace at least.

Other than the fact that he knows my M.D and that they are overdue for drinks. I basically keep begging him to not discuss me with her because (and I told him this) I can’t deal with having to meet the expectations of 3 people all of whom are important. In a sense that they’re all my superiors. But I’ve said I’ll crawl back to him if I get fired LOL. But I really do miss the familiarity of OSL.

But my current colleagues are really really nice people, plus they super pretty. Everyone who works in that office is attractive and I’m just the ugly dud they hired. Like maybe this was what was going on in my boss’ mind when she hired me:

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The full quote would be: Do you know why I hired you? I always hire the same girl- stylish, slender, of course… worships the magazine. But so often, they turn out to be- I don’t know- disappointing and, um… stupid. So you, with that impressive résumé and the big speech about your so-called work ethic- I, um- I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Hire the smart, fat girl. I had hope. My God. I live on it. Anyway, you ended up disappointing me more than, um- more than any of the other silly girls.  

Disclaimer though: All the ladies who work there are smart and capable. They are friendly and very willing to help each other. I just occasionally feel like the ugly and incapable one. I’ve a very steep learning curve and I’m learning from everyone and every chance that I get.

I do like it there even though I’m not sure if PR/agency work is really for me.

TLDR: I’m still employed and I’m learning a hell lot. I think I enjoy my work there and am learning a lot of things from all whom I work with. I also hope to make it till end of probation HAHA.

A list of things I

worry about and how I feel occasionally expressed in GIFs of course.

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Because girls travelling together sounds exactly like a recipe for BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN.

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I mean yeah, if I get my kidneys stolen as Hua is ever cautioning about.

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(It’ll be Pinning instead of Paula.)

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More practically, what if I lose my money cause pickpockets left and right? Trust me on this, I’ve been a victim.

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Excited and horrified????

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Breathing. It helps, right?

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This is how I feel at all of the above.

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I’m not even that stressed. (Looking at you, Pris)

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The cooler side of me feels I’m ridiculous for all the above. I totally agree.

 

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It’s only a month.

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But my long-awaited trip is finally here!!!

 

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So bye guys and please keep me in your prayers~!

Sidenote: why didn’t anyone GIF the part when Rebecca says I scared in a really really small voice?! WATCH CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND IT HAS BEEN RENEWED.

I thought I should give

an update lest people think I’m rotting away in a dark corner.

I am alive, wanting this week to be over but also wanting it to last. I will settle for a limbo where time neither moves forwards nor backwards and just stretches like a cat on a lazy afternoon. I want my internship to end but don’t want school to start.

Knocking off late these days like 1-2am kind of late and it’s always on these nights that I get the urge to walk without a specific destination in mind. I like the tranquility of midnight walks: the quiet and empty streets, void of any sense of urgency, deep relief that another day has passed and a general sense of freedom.

I watched the workers work silently under the spotlights on the window displays at Raffles City. They reminded me of the fairytale ‘The elves & the shoemaker’ and how magic happens when we least expect it. But I do think that window displays look more magical and often times lonely at night. The mannequins hold still and wait, waiting for the day when shoppers would once again enter to fill the space with life.

And looking back over this summer, which could have gone very differently, it’s incredible how I went from someone with near zero experience in show production to completing both Commencement and Convocation in 3 months. I’m also still miraculously on my boss’ payroll. There were days that were straight from hell but I’ve learnt so much and am really thankful for all my colleagues.

But still, how can it be that I can find no eye candies amongst 150 performers?

Making a list

to quell for desire to shop. And also because I haven’t wrote a list in about forever so let’s start making lists again.

1) Timberland’s SS15 ‘Small shopper bag’ in copper. I just love the color and it looks ultra light as well- a quality I value in my bags. But most likely it’s the material. I’ve recently discovered a love for leather goods, which further leads me to my next item.

2) Leather jacket. Guess this was propelled by Scarlet Witch’s dressing in AOU. On a side note of AOU, I vaguely enjoyed it but didn’t feel like it was worth a second watch in the cinemas. I liked that Capt mentioned his ‘missing person’ but overall didn’t really like how Thor’s scenes were cut.

3) Boots. I just want them to be heeled like an inch or 2? Not too pointy in front because it would fucking hurt and I already have 100000 problems being flatfooted. Being flatfooted is no fun at all when all you get are brands that are obviously targeting middle-aged women.

4) Earphones. Finally something techy. I need a new pair: I’m partially deaf in a ear. But somehow I’m so used to this state that I’m not bothered to the point where I need a new pair the very next day. I make the resolution of taking better care of my wires every time my earphones go kaput but I never. I think I will this time: I can’t afford the annual upkeep. Gotta learn from Brian.

5) Uniqlo’s anything and everything. Wtf I have never actually walked out of any of their stores empty-handed before. It’s slightly ridiculous.

Then again I think it’s time to curb this desire to shop. Not that I have any money. When Pinning comes home I’ll just be broke again because we indulge ourselves too much when obviously I’m not the one drawing a salary.

Out of the Loop

So I just found out via a Chinese link instead of ONTD the cast of Beauty & the Beast that was actually announced half a month ago. In order to make up for all my laggyness, I’ve started watching all the dramas that I’ve missed. Have started on Aiba’s drama Yokoso Wagaya e & Kimura Takuya’s I’m Home. Am so terribly behind on everything and as usual blaming it on school.

Started summer school and it’s madness. I just experienced 3 weeks in 1 week and it’s mind-blowing. It’s like a freaking time warp and I’ve no idea how I managed to go to school every single day for approximately 18 years of my life.

I’ve also been asked why do I do it to myself and that’s a great question because even I forget it when I wake up at 6.30am in the morning to attend a 8.15am class. I just hope I save enough money to actually visit Pinning before she graduates.

It is also here that I would like to insert a mini rant about how companies never ever bother sending a rejection letter that would crush and put out that flame of hope in you once and for all. You wait, keeping in mind that they’ve said HR is busy but really, how hard/difficult it is to send a rejection email? Also, how long does it take to craft that rejection, which I’m sure has been done 10000000 times so much so that there is an actual template and all that’s left is to change the candidate’s name?!

But it is ok. I have stopped waiting.

I was going to end on that note but it may sound vaguely ominous/threatening/depressing. So uhm…let’s end with Chris Hemsworth. My dad totally thinks he’s hot too even though he usually despises guys with flowing locks and couldn’t stop praising him when we were watching Thor together. I love his new hair.

On a final side note of this completely pointless post that I wrote in an attempt to revive this space, I’ve learnt how to bun my hair with a chopstick so does anyone know where I can get a hair stick? Japan had them but I thought I wouldn’t be able to learn the art of bunning my hair with a stick so :/

This post concludes

my recess week which I’ve termed my birthday week for myself as well. This week saw to quite a few of my friends turning 21 as well.

Believe it or not, I feel actual stress turning 21. The fact that I’m an only child compounds the stress; I mean I’m fully legally culpable for all my actions now. So instead of choosing to celebrate with anyone, I chose to stay at home with my family. Hosting a party is nice but a little too overwhelming for me. All the costs plus questions about who to invite etc etc. Sorry, I can’t deal.

Putting all the above and the assignments and mugging I had to do this week, it was a pretty good week despite me yet again failing to swim. I vow to swim at least once before Pinning comes home (but if in March, then I cannot fulfil it). I met with Junjie, Zhiliang (both on Monday for dinner at Pu Tien), Lihua (Wednesday @ S.E.A Aquarium), Priscilla and Amelia (Sunday for Chye Seng Huat & Windowsill Pies). There were other SMU people I met with for projects so I’m fully discounting them since it was for school and not for fun.

Very grateful to the above people for taking time to celebrate with me and their presents/treats. I know I’m a difficult person to get presents for, mainly cause I don’t have a wish list and I’m picky. The rationale behind the former is because I would like to appreciate the thought process behind the gift and the sincerity of taking time to think and choose. The general guideline is that I now like practical gifts which can be used. I personally think it’s rather pleasing/heartening to know that my money hasn’t been used for something that can’t be integrated into the receiver’s life.

Thank you Junjie and Zhiliang. Conversations with you all’s always interesting. And yes junjie, this bitch here will certainly defend your honour if you ever need me too.

Thank you liar & pris for the Saturday afternoon of chilling and catching up. Plus for all that walking even with cramps in this unbearable dry heat. I think more than the food and what not, I’ll treasure the memory even more.

I won’t ever be able to thank Lihua enough. But also, now I’ll only want to go as a VIP to S.E.A Aquarium so…this may unexpectedly drain my pockets. I can’t express how damned much I appreciate the whole experience. I thought my 21 would be brought across lightly without much hooha and in a way it has been, but because of the trip, it really wasn’t. Thank you for gifting me with a whole experience that I’ll forever and ever remember and cherish.

I also got a Hello Kitty night lamp from Sandra and Susu which we all agreed wasn’t actually appropriate for a 21 year old. Nonetheless, they were excited about buying it and I was excited to receive it. It’s hanging on my door, greeting me when I come home. It cheers me up actually even though I won’t actually use it at night; I’ve gotten used to sleeping in near complete darkness.

Thank you to everyone who remembered and bothered with well-wishes. I don’t have a head for numbers/dates etc so I do appreciate it when people remember (especially without any prompts); it feels like I matter to you.

This week pretty much zoomed by and there’s still so much to do with my OCSP, internship application which I’m totally behind on etc etc.

Here’s to everyone who’s celebrating their 21st. May we shine bright forever more.

I actually laughed out loud at this scene because of the tackiness of it all. With that said, I hope Leo finally get to bring an Oscar home.

Fireworks

She wondered if it was all right to hate something so beautiful but she also wondered if it was all right to love something so transient.

Short-lived beauty. A beauty she couldn’t capture no matter how hard she tried. And she had tried, naively she did. Her hands outstretched towards the sky, hoping and hoping to catch the falling sparks. She failed, of course she did, and she couldn’t even explain the chasm that had opened in her. The silliness of it all.

The anticipation of seeing the night light up with beautiful bursts of color. The fleeting joy of watching them bloom. The inevitable emptiness that came seeing it disappear.

She wanted to own that ephemeral beauty but she now knew better.

When it came to love, she would always remember the night she had tried and failed.