January 2018

Nearly a year since my last post, and I’ve almost forgotten about this site.

Thinking about times I want to write, and then just realising that some things aren’t worth writing/remembering/negative emotions will pass. Then I also realised I’ve overestimated my ability to let things go when it has rarely ever been the case with me. I’m a pressure-cooker type of person who will only confront the source of my anger when I can’t take it anymore. And obviously there are some bridges you learn that you cannot burn as an adult, so you swallow your words, your anger, and the unjust of it all.

I tell myself the next time I’ll be better at confrontations, better at managing my emotions. But when the next time comes, I find myself doing the same old thing I always do. That’s where my anger partially stems from, and somehow that induces more anger.

Life constantly reminds me to give me less fucks because people don’t appreciate nor do they want it. How many times do I need to trip myself up before I will bear in mind that I should always put myself above other people, and stop feeling guilty at my selfishness? Because if I don’t, who will?

A year ago, I was trying to convince myself that things will be ok. That I should be satisfied and grateful that I’ve a job and surrounded by good colleagues. And right now, I’m not so sure.


Writing this while

waiting for Terrace House to load, and pondering upon a Netflix subscription. (Does anyone wanna share? The price is actually quite reasonable).

I’m so into Terrace House right now, and I can’t stop watching. It’s the calmer Asian version of Jersey Shore and Geordie Shore. There’s drinking but no messy drunk behaviour, and most of them solve their issues maturely and calmly. They actually talk out their issues instead of resorting to passive aggressiveness.

The last time I wrote was a couple of months ago, when I was school-sick. I’m not that school-sick now. I am also happy to report that I’ve been confirmed in early January. I’m still busy, still trying to figure out my work plans, still learning, and obviously still trying to get by.

Today I resumed my Pilates class. Rather proud of myself, and I hope I’ll continue for a long time. Partly also cause I’m suffering the typical OL-aches.

So my overall status in mid-Feb before I gain another year: Gainfully employed, single, relatively happy and content with the usual hopes and grouses typical of a Millennial, looking forward to the year ahead in general.

I guess I’m doing pretty well.

Before I knew it

4 months have already passed.

And from my lack of posts, you should probably/can tell it hasn’t been an easy breezy time. But I do feel lucky that I’m employed, because the news keep telling me that the world is going to shit and the economy is falling apart.

I still get school-sick. It’s like my body is telling me that it’s time to head back to a 3 or 4 day work week with irregular hours. Sometimes, it’s really quite difficult to drag myself out of my bed/out of my house. I’m totally stretching my multi-tasking capabilities. I’m however very lucky to be with my 2 colleagues who are truly great people who have been patient with you even after all the times I’ve gotten them into trouble. Plus, the location of my office is great.

Let’s talk about happier stuff such as my recent Bintan trip, which was great fun and was entirely planned by Bao (partially why it was great cause it took no effort from me: I just had the one job of showing up and paying). I actually came back browner after the snorkelling session that I loved. But I also got myself some cuts like a dumb toot. I can only hope that they don’t leave any scars.

I can’t wait for my next off-in-lieu already.


Yes, I’ve been gainfully employed for a month despite me breaking a voice recorder in the first week of the job. (For the record, I’m paying for half the damages.)

So I’m still trying to adjust to a new environment, and I very much miss SMU and working with Jimmy. I’ve gone whining to him twice now: once before Commencement Appreciation dinner and once during Convocation Appreciation supper (which was like last Friday, so very recent). He totally laughed about the breakage and declared that he wouldn’t have made me pay. To which, I happily shot down because he made a student pay for her mistakes, and he was all,”Oh yeah, I did.” Then he proceeded to cackle evilly at my plight, which I appreciated not.  He has told me to just hang in there and give it my fucking all and that a month is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I agree, but I still wanted very much to be well, sayang-ed, by him. But then he also said to have more faith in myself or at least faith in what SMU (or him) has put me through. So some saving grace at least.

Other than the fact that he knows my M.D and that they are overdue for drinks. I basically keep begging him to not discuss me with her because (and I told him this) I can’t deal with having to meet the expectations of 3 people all of whom are important. In a sense that they’re all my superiors. But I’ve said I’ll crawl back to him if I get fired LOL. But I really do miss the familiarity of OSL.

But my current colleagues are really really nice people, plus they super pretty. Everyone who works in that office is attractive and I’m just the ugly dud they hired. Like maybe this was what was going on in my boss’ mind when she hired me:


The full quote would be: Do you know why I hired you? I always hire the same girl- stylish, slender, of course… worships the magazine. But so often, they turn out to be- I don’t know- disappointing and, um… stupid. So you, with that impressive résumé and the big speech about your so-called work ethic- I, um- I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Hire the smart, fat girl. I had hope. My God. I live on it. Anyway, you ended up disappointing me more than, um- more than any of the other silly girls.  

Disclaimer though: All the ladies who work there are smart and capable. They are friendly and very willing to help each other. I just occasionally feel like the ugly and incapable one. I’ve a very steep learning curve and I’m learning from everyone and every chance that I get.

I do like it there even though I’m not sure if PR/agency work is really for me.

TLDR: I’m still employed and I’m learning a hell lot. I think I enjoy my work there and am learning a lot of things from all whom I work with. I also hope to make it till end of probation HAHA.

Europe tripping

Has officially begun.

Currently on the train from Munich to Berlin.

Thanks everyone who has messaged me with news of Brussels and reminding me to stay safe. I’ll do my best. Also very glad for the size of German polizei- they look extremely reassuring (and hot) in their uniforms.

We had an extremely eventful first day in Germany. First there was the security check where I fucked up with the liquids and made to throw my beloved shampoo and conditioner away ): That’s however a relatively small issue for me even though I was slightly upset since those were Tsubaki that has kept my hair silky smooth and straight till now.

Then we got to the airport to catch a bus to the train station. We would have been on time since we had buffer time but alas, we were held up by a quartet of English guys plus a traffic jam. Had to spend an extra €154 for 2 more tickets for the next train. NTUC TRAVEL INSURANCE: IS THIS UNDER MY COVERAGE??? Please pick this up on your radar #ineedtoknow

We had a great time in Munich. Wish we had another day here but to Berlin we shall head. Will upload photos through my Instagram. Maybe I’ll do a photo post when I get back here.

Take care everybody.

A list of things I

worry about and how I feel occasionally expressed in GIFs of course.


Because girls travelling together sounds exactly like a recipe for BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN.


I mean yeah, if I get my kidneys stolen as Hua is ever cautioning about.


(It’ll be Pinning instead of Paula.)


More practically, what if I lose my money cause pickpockets left and right? Trust me on this, I’ve been a victim.


Excited and horrified????


Breathing. It helps, right?


This is how I feel at all of the above.


I’m not even that stressed. (Looking at you, Pris)


The cooler side of me feels I’m ridiculous for all the above. I totally agree.



It’s only a month.


But my long-awaited trip is finally here!!!



So bye guys and please keep me in your prayers~!

Sidenote: why didn’t anyone GIF the part when Rebecca says I scared in a really really small voice?! WATCH CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND IT HAS BEEN RENEWED.

CNY update

I guess that title makes this post sound more festive than it will be.

But if you guys don’t already know, my CNYs are always quiet and peaceful: visiting is kept to a minimum. That’s good except for the fact that my angbao income is also sadly minimal. Steamboats are also not my thing but they’re the tradition and I will put up with them for 2 days to please my parents.

Perhaps I should split this post into 2 posts instead in which one will be my PD reflections and the other one about my aunt(s). Then again, I can’t be bothered so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For the first time ever, I attended PD as a normal participant. Not going to lie but it was weird as hell to not be involved operationally or be holding a walkie listening carefully to every update. I’ve been involved in some way ever since PD13 and PD is obviously one of my most important markers of growth in SMU. Every PD reminds me of how far I’ve come and how much more I’ve to learn.

I had great fun as a normal participant (I can’t stress that enough because everyone thinks I’m involved. I’m just the person the org comm goes to when they need to print stuff ok) making my terrariums and bottled sand art. I guess I should attempt making a dreamcatcher after seeing several beautiful attempts versus 老板’s nightmare catcher. Plus I got to watch the show in peace for the first time and enjoy the food catered. Like an enthusiastic freshie/auntie, I finished using all my coupons. Going with the PD15 people just made the entire event 100000Xs better and almost everyone in the org comm who could attend were there. I’m really glad to have met this bunch of people in SMU.

Of course going with the gang also means that we could pick out certain details that others might have missed such as Joseph’s 2-minute grumbling (actually more like raging) of the helper that was queueing for a corporate partner’s booth in her event tee. That’s a huge NO in our books. Or how the queue system isn’t ideal etc. Then again, event execution usually has space for improvements. But as someone who more or less saw the org comm developed, they should be given due credits especially for their ideas. Show managed to showcase more CCAs instead of just the popular ones and yes, that made their lives ridiculously tough. Programmes managed to engage the terrarium vendor to conduct mini workshops that they don’t usually host during the event. It’s not easy given their limited budget and the weight of having to match PD15 in a way or other.

It has come to a full circle in one way or another having been a helper for PD13 and another helper of sorts this year. Have also met one of the helpers for PD14 at this year’s PD which is kind of comical. I only remembered him because he talked so much like my deputy did and still does. On a side note, I’m always quite amazed by people who can talk non-stop because a) are you really interesting? b) do you love your voice that much? c) do you really think that your opinions/topics are all that valuable to others especially those who have no choice but to listen? It’s fascinating and annoying at the same time. The latter is especially applicable to people with high, grating, nasally voices.


I’ve an upcoming trip to Malaysia to visit my relatives that I am dreading because I can already predict every question that will come up. Not looking forward to it. At least it’s only 3 days.

It’s a weird CNY this year somehow given that my aunt passed a week before CNY. Nobody seems to have discussed whether or not we should cease celebrations and everyone is just proceeding ahead with celebrations. Then again, who passes away of dengue nowadays? Malaysia is no third-world country, I’ll give it that much. And I guess that filial piety is actually a value that has to be inculcated into children and not an innate value that people are born with.

Are there truly people in their right minds who will leave their own family to suffer a fever for 2 weeks?

Weird as fuck.

I recall my mum joking about how that aunt will live the longest cause she worried least and possibly the hardiest of them all. Guess it didn’t come to pass. Strange how certain things only come to light after a person has passed. Such as the story of my aunt fleeing her house to call my cousin’s wife to cry and that she was scolded during their reunion dinner last year. I don’t know why she put up with shit like that. A majority of my family with me included are guilty of not being as good to her as we should have been.

I canceled a dinner because of this. I take some time to digest such news and didn’t feel like putting on a fake front for people who don’t really care about me. The dinner date was set up awkwardly in a manner that made me look bad. Who the hell guilt trips you into a dinner so you don’t look petty for not attending? Haven’t heard from them since the cancellation. Probably am not wrong about them not caring.

I remember sitting at a friend’s father’s wake not too long ago, thinking that I’ll have many more to attend in future. Didn’t think that it would be so soon or closer to home this time round.

What a weird end/start to the year.

(mis)Adventures with my Dad

For some reason or another, my dad and I have never spent much time together as a duo in public spaces. Even when we’re at home, we more or less keep to our own corners with him doing the chores/talking on the phone while I would be on the bed with my Mac.

So the jubilee weekend was an extremely rare occurrence when we went out shopping together. It all started with my desire to get a pair of black & white shoes for my internship. Because backstage safety calls for covered shoes with thicker soles and yes, nails have gone through people’s flats before. I don’t even know why my dad agreed to come but he did and so off we went to Queensway.

We spent a couple of hours wandering that also had him frowning at several pairs of shoes. Without spotting any pair that I wanted, we decided to go Vivo City where he could visit Bata for his uncle sandals and I would continue my quest for my Nike roshes (only to find out that they aren’t carried locally the next day) . For some reason, my internal GPS marked the route that we usually took by car instead of bus and thus cleverly suggested we go opposite to take the bus.

So off we went huffing and puffing up the bridge.

The next brilliantly wrong suggestion came from my dad to take 197 that ultimately led us in the direction of Jurong. Belatedly realised how off we were when we got onto the highway and I saw the Science Park. Hurriedly herded my dad off the bus which led to more grumbling that we should have just continued to NUS where it would be easier to change buses. Yet again we boarded 197.

We finally got to Spottiswoode where I told my dad to get off and just walk. I thought he would want to walk instead of changing buses to get home but I was wayyyyyy off the mark.

All ended well because we got home in fits of laughter.

At night, I just thought about how much I would treasure this day, remember our laughter, the warmth and tenderness in my dad’s hands, not to forget the the heat of the day.

But occasionally, I fear when I hear the ticking of time passing.

I thought I should give

an update lest people think I’m rotting away in a dark corner.

I am alive, wanting this week to be over but also wanting it to last. I will settle for a limbo where time neither moves forwards nor backwards and just stretches like a cat on a lazy afternoon. I want my internship to end but don’t want school to start.

Knocking off late these days like 1-2am kind of late and it’s always on these nights that I get the urge to walk without a specific destination in mind. I like the tranquility of midnight walks: the quiet and empty streets, void of any sense of urgency, deep relief that another day has passed and a general sense of freedom.

I watched the workers work silently under the spotlights on the window displays at Raffles City. They reminded me of the fairytale ‘The elves & the shoemaker’ and how magic happens when we least expect it. But I do think that window displays look more magical and often times lonely at night. The mannequins hold still and wait, waiting for the day when shoppers would once again enter to fill the space with life.

And looking back over this summer, which could have gone very differently, it’s incredible how I went from someone with near zero experience in show production to completing both Commencement and Convocation in 3 months. I’m also still miraculously on my boss’ payroll. There were days that were straight from hell but I’ve learnt so much and am really thankful for all my colleagues.

But still, how can it be that I can find no eye candies amongst 150 performers?

Out of the Loop

So I just found out via a Chinese link instead of ONTD the cast of Beauty & the Beast that was actually announced half a month ago. In order to make up for all my laggyness, I’ve started watching all the dramas that I’ve missed. Have started on Aiba’s drama Yokoso Wagaya e & Kimura Takuya’s I’m Home. Am so terribly behind on everything and as usual blaming it on school.

Started summer school and it’s madness. I just experienced 3 weeks in 1 week and it’s mind-blowing. It’s like a freaking time warp and I’ve no idea how I managed to go to school every single day for approximately 18 years of my life.

I’ve also been asked why do I do it to myself and that’s a great question because even I forget it when I wake up at 6.30am in the morning to attend a 8.15am class. I just hope I save enough money to actually visit Pinning before she graduates.

It is also here that I would like to insert a mini rant about how companies never ever bother sending a rejection letter that would crush and put out that flame of hope in you once and for all. You wait, keeping in mind that they’ve said HR is busy but really, how hard/difficult it is to send a rejection email? Also, how long does it take to craft that rejection, which I’m sure has been done 10000000 times so much so that there is an actual template and all that’s left is to change the candidate’s name?!

But it is ok. I have stopped waiting.

I was going to end on that note but it may sound vaguely ominous/threatening/depressing. So uhm…let’s end with Chris Hemsworth. My dad totally thinks he’s hot too even though he usually despises guys with flowing locks and couldn’t stop praising him when we were watching Thor together. I love his new hair.

On a final side note of this completely pointless post that I wrote in an attempt to revive this space, I’ve learnt how to bun my hair with a chopstick so does anyone know where I can get a hair stick? Japan had them but I thought I wouldn’t be able to learn the art of bunning my hair with a stick so :/