Nearly a year since my last post, and I’ve almost forgotten about this site.
Thinking about times I want to write, and then just realising that some things aren’t worth writing/remembering/negative emotions will pass. Then I also realised I’ve overestimated my ability to let things go when it has rarely ever been the case with me. I’m a pressure-cooker type of person who will only confront the source of my anger when I can’t take it anymore. And obviously there are some bridges you learn that you cannot burn as an adult, so you swallow your words, your anger, and the unjust of it all.
I tell myself the next time I’ll be better at confrontations, better at managing my emotions. But when the next time comes, I find myself doing the same old thing I always do. That’s where my anger partially stems from, and somehow that induces more anger.
Life constantly reminds me to give me less fucks because people don’t appreciate nor do they want it. How many times do I need to trip myself up before I will bear in mind that I should always put myself above other people, and stop feeling guilty at my selfishness? Because if I don’t, who will?
A year ago, I was trying to convince myself that things will be ok. That I should be satisfied and grateful that I’ve a job and surrounded by good colleagues. And right now, I’m not so sure.