January 2018

Nearly a year since my last post, and I’ve almost forgotten about this site.

Thinking about times I want to write, and then just realising that some things aren’t worth writing/remembering/negative emotions will pass. Then I also realised I’ve overestimated my ability to let things go when it has rarely ever been the case with me. I’m a pressure-cooker type of person who will only confront the source of my anger when I can’t take it anymore. And obviously there are some bridges you learn that you cannot burn as an adult, so you swallow your words, your anger, and the unjust of it all.

I tell myself the next time I’ll be better at confrontations, better at managing my emotions. But when the next time comes, I find myself doing the same old thing I always do. That’s where my anger partially stems from, and somehow that induces more anger.

Life constantly reminds me to give me less fucks because people don’t appreciate nor do they want it. How many times do I need to trip myself up before I will bear in mind that I should always put myself above other people, and stop feeling guilty at my selfishness? Because if I don’t, who will?

A year ago, I was trying to convince myself that things will be ok. That I should be satisfied and grateful that I’ve a job and surrounded by good colleagues. And right now, I’m not so sure.


Writing this while

waiting for Terrace House to load, and pondering upon a Netflix subscription. (Does anyone wanna share? The price is actually quite reasonable).

I’m so into Terrace House right now, and I can’t stop watching. It’s the calmer Asian version of Jersey Shore and Geordie Shore. There’s drinking but no messy drunk behaviour, and most of them solve their issues maturely and calmly. They actually talk out their issues instead of resorting to passive aggressiveness.

The last time I wrote was a couple of months ago, when I was school-sick. I’m not that school-sick now. I am also happy to report that I’ve been confirmed in early January. I’m still busy, still trying to figure out my work plans, still learning, and obviously still trying to get by.

Today I resumed my Pilates class. Rather proud of myself, and I hope I’ll continue for a long time. Partly also cause I’m suffering the typical OL-aches.

So my overall status in mid-Feb before I gain another year: Gainfully employed, single, relatively happy and content with the usual hopes and grouses typical of a Millennial, looking forward to the year ahead in general.

I guess I’m doing pretty well.


Yes, I’ve been gainfully employed for a month despite me breaking a voice recorder in the first week of the job. (For the record, I’m paying for half the damages.)

So I’m still trying to adjust to a new environment, and I very much miss SMU and working with Jimmy. I’ve gone whining to him twice now: once before Commencement Appreciation dinner and once during Convocation Appreciation supper (which was like last Friday, so very recent). He totally laughed about the breakage and declared that he wouldn’t have made me pay. To which, I happily shot down because he made a student pay for her mistakes, and he was all,”Oh yeah, I did.” Then he proceeded to cackle evilly at my plight, which I appreciated not.  He has told me to just hang in there and give it my fucking all and that a month is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I agree, but I still wanted very much to be well, sayang-ed, by him. But then he also said to have more faith in myself or at least faith in what SMU (or him) has put me through. So some saving grace at least.

Other than the fact that he knows my M.D and that they are overdue for drinks. I basically keep begging him to not discuss me with her because (and I told him this) I can’t deal with having to meet the expectations of 3 people all of whom are important. In a sense that they’re all my superiors. But I’ve said I’ll crawl back to him if I get fired LOL. But I really do miss the familiarity of OSL.

But my current colleagues are really really nice people, plus they super pretty. Everyone who works in that office is attractive and I’m just the ugly dud they hired. Like maybe this was what was going on in my boss’ mind when she hired me:


The full quote would be: Do you know why I hired you? I always hire the same girl- stylish, slender, of course… worships the magazine. But so often, they turn out to be- I don’t know- disappointing and, um… stupid. So you, with that impressive résumé and the big speech about your so-called work ethic- I, um- I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Hire the smart, fat girl. I had hope. My God. I live on it. Anyway, you ended up disappointing me more than, um- more than any of the other silly girls.  

Disclaimer though: All the ladies who work there are smart and capable. They are friendly and very willing to help each other. I just occasionally feel like the ugly and incapable one. I’ve a very steep learning curve and I’m learning from everyone and every chance that I get.

I do like it there even though I’m not sure if PR/agency work is really for me.

TLDR: I’m still employed and I’m learning a hell lot. I think I enjoy my work there and am learning a lot of things from all whom I work with. I also hope to make it till end of probation HAHA.

I’m thinking

of how to phrase my jumbled thoughts eloquently without the need for bullet points which will sort of help me to be concise. But my thoughts aren’t linear and one thought is derived from a tangent of another.

I’ve watched Frozen recently and I remembered that it’s important to continue believing in love whilst being independent and retain one’s individuality. It’s also not choosing which princess is better as a role model but recognise that role models are humans susceptible to make mistakes and in general have flaws. Elsa was afraid of her powers whilst Anna was naive. The essence lies in how they both overcome them and conquer them. I would like to think that Anna never lost her childlike wonder.

I’ve also went traipsing around the museums for biennale with Priscilla today. It’s extremely interesting and dare I say better than the previous one. The art is thought provoking and at the same time relatable. Some of the pieces are eerily beautiful and haunting especially certain installations. I think good art open windows of new perspectives and insight into different lives and simultaneously illuminating aspects of the people observing the art. What would your world be like if the world changed?

And again with certain stuff happening in my friends’ lives, I would just like to say…when I offer advice, the goal in mind is that the advice I give will eventually lead to you being happy/contented/in general positive feelings. I try to listen and I try to empathise even though I’ve the most non-happening life ever. If I find myself giving repeated advice to the same person, I’ll stop; I’m not a broken tape recorder. My advice is free, uncertified and biased and can thus be ignored. 

Growing Pains:

The literal and figurative aches.

Figurative aches are worse than literal aches.

Literal aches are physical involving body changes and there’s the whole awkward phase of figuring out what to do with these new extended arms, budding boobs and a lot of growing hair. You get what I mean. But this phase is relatively short and can be hastened if your friends are those who will give u a positive self-esteem boost. Friends who don’t look at you like you’re a gorilla who just escaped cause you’ve yet to figure out what are the best products for shaving or laugh at your shaving cuts.

The real pain is literal and they last for a long time. They start from the age you hit puberty which can be as young as 9 years old. From body changes to emotional changes and it’s a tumultuous period from then on. 

Because there are just too many fucking issues to figure out and deal with. Some of us deal with our sexuality, sexual orientation, self-image etc etc. The list never fucking ends. 

Right now at this stage of time, in university, I think most of us are just dealing with finding out what we want. That’s tough and so we go by the process of elimination via experimentation. We join clubs, frats and whatever shit we have in university, finding out what’s right and what’s not. More often than not, it’s easier to confirm what we do not want.

This is not actually limited to our activities. This applies to our social circle too.

This is where the scary part comes in especially when we have been reliant on a circle of friends to make it through. The sleepovers, the long talks, mugging sessions and drunken nights. During these moments, one does not envision a moment in future that life will continue without these people with them right now.

But then comes the moment when friends become the weights on your ankles. That fucking eureka moment when you realise that you are fucking done waking up with a pounding headache and a roaring hangover. Or that moment when you realise you are just too tired to care about their newest squeeze(s), their hookups or their breakups or their latest academic breakthroughs (the good, the bad and the ugly). 

It’s time to cut them off. 

But who and how? The pain doesn’t actually stop there because you would have to deal with all the fucking drama that comes along with it with people asking really? You’re doing it?! 

I mean yeah I sure as hell am. I’m not a motherfucking emotional charity and you’ve gotta get that straight woman.

Don’t let people hold you back. They were blasts to be with and they still are but maybe in all the wrong ways. 

You’ll get over them and so will they get over you. Don’t you worry bb.



My trip to

Hong Kong, Shenzhen and Macau was really filled with eating and shopping. Both were thanks to my 2 aunts. Basically we walked around for more than 10 hours every single day. But it’s ok because we were fuelled by good food with the exception of the breakfast in Shenzhen because none of us were used to the food. I mean since when did xiao long baos have the same kind of skin as char siew baos???

But anyway the trip was humbling in a way because it felt super overwhelming to actually see and feel for myself just how densely populated HK and China are. Literally because feeling the people is just unavoidable…there is no concept of personal space because the streets are always packed. And according to a salesperson, it’s really normal and when the holidays arrive, you can’t even move on the streets. I was pretty paranoid about being burned by the smokers who always casually dangle their smokes between their fingers.

If you think our Orchard road is crowded on weekends…I have to tell you it’s a daily occurrence over there and if you think our trains are packed during peak hours…I also have to tell you that it’s always peak hours on their public transport.

My impression of Hong Kong is a bustling city filled with people who don’t stop from the moment they wake up till the moment they fall asleep in their houses. They walk at a crazy fast pace and are pretty impatient if you block their way. We got quite a lot of tsks, glares and a few cursings under the breaths cause my aunt couldn’t walk as fast. I don’t know why but they insist on pushing carts on crowded streets and those can really hurt if you’re unfortunate/slow enough to be bumped by them. Can you believe it, even the clouds don’t stop over Hong Kong. And most of them thought we were Mainlanders so they either ignored us or treated us curtly. But I like that they apply sanitisers to the handrails of escalators in their MTR (which is our MRT); I was more at ease holding onto them (which was what the announcement repeated reminded us to) with the whole bird flu case and all.

I couldn’t really get much of Shenzhen since we only stopped over for 2 nights and we didn’t really go exploring. We spent all our time exploring the malls which were crazy big and my dad admitted that he was paranoid that a fire would break out and we would all die. His concern was understandable. We were in this wholesale distribution mall and the corridors were very packed and needless to say we were surrounded by the all-too-flammable clothes. Some of the shopkeepers were pretty scary but that should not deter you from bargaining with them. A word of caution: If you’re asthmatic, claustrophobic or anemic then don’t go. There are too many people packed into those corridors and if you faint, I’m not sure if anyone will notice.

Oh and it is indeed very loud in Shenzhen because they have loudspeakers/loudhailers blasting the latest promotion they have going on in their shops. They also have giant LCD or whatever TVs blasting music…I think ours are mostly silent ones? But anyway, it just adds to the hubbub of noise and unless you shout, you really won’t be heard.

Finally we got to Macau. There’s a whole lot of construction still going on in Macau but once you go past them, Macau’s presented to you doused in gold, dressed in glitter and topped with sparkles. Macau feels like Hong Kong’s rich cousin or something. The buildings of Macau themselves offer enticing peeks into the riches they might offer you or more possibly, take away from you. I enjoyed Macau’s foods like the Portugese egg tarts, pork chop bun and Portugese baked rice (it has yet to appear on my Instagram). I didn’t manage to try their steamed milk pudding though but I will…maybe when my aunt arranges another trip next year. Macau’s weather was pretty unpredictable though…the rain prevented us from seeing the landmarks but oh well at least we left with our stomachs full.

So that’s it for my summer trip, most photos are on Instagram. I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere else if I’m going to work…

But for now, summer still stretches very far ahead of us.

Issues I do not

Touch with most people are

This is a highly sensitive topic and I would prefer not to get into a philosophical argument. Plus most people can’t avoid sweeping statements when it comes to religions. I read Life of Pi a very long time ago and the part which stuck with me was how young Pi believed in several religions. As with readings, I interpreted what I could and took it away. Most religions have the same overarching beliefs and I believe that the higher power is manifested in different forms and names. Thus I would appreciate it if you left me alone should I choose to pray with joss sticks to statues. Likewise, I would not question your faith.

My reluctance to discuss politics is also explained by above paragraph. Political inclination is a complex interplay of socioeconomic and cultural factors. Vote for whichever party that can best represent your interests although I would try to keep the country’s interests in mind as well.

I am referring specifically to those between you and your significant other. It’s not that I do not care; I would rather not overstep my boundary as a friend. If you want to confide in me, that’s fine. If you don’t, it’s also OK. I have no business of knowing (and I don’t really wanna know) which base you are at even if I do ask in jest. But yes, I’ll be here if you need me to be. Just a word of precaution: I am evergreen and that may render my advice/opinion invalid.

This is highly personal. Every family has a few skeletons and dynamics. I would also not criticise your family members when you do complain to me because they are for you to love and criticise. Doing the latter would be overstepping my boundary. I will support you by viewing things from your point of view but I will not hesitate to call you out as well. Again, I may not relate to sibling issues since I have none. And points from 2 are relevant here as well.

As a friend, I respect your privacy and your views. But topics above, we will not touch if we are unable to hold a mature and calm discussion.